Sorry this blog is a little personal, here it is getting close to marking one year since my father passed away. He passed away on May 22nd 2009 and it still hurts me. My father and I never really seen eye to eye because he wasn't always there for me growing up. My mother raised me and my sister alone. Every now and then my father would come around and pick us up for a weekend or two then there were years in between he promised to come get us and never showed up. He broke our hearts growing up too many times. Once I hit teenage hood and met my husband when I was 16 and moved out of my mother's house, my father tried stepping in and telling me what to do, when to do it, and so on. He really tried to tell me how to raise my children and that made me mad at him. There was several times I was upset with him but I still went to see him and let my children visit him and stay the night on weekends. Now I kind of regret for being mad at him and I wasn't able to tell him I was sorry and I love him.
The day he passed away I was on the other side of town driving on the interstate to pick my husband up from work while my children were visiting their other grandparents when I received the phone call that my father was rushed to the hospital. My cousin came home from school and found him unresponsive while my step mother was sleeping. I didn't make it to the hospital in time to say my goodbyes to him. I regret that a lot. I miss him a lot and think about him everyday, when all this happened it put a great effect on my social life and school life. I had trouble focusing on things and getting my school work done. It took time for my kids and family to accept the fact that he was gone and he is in good hands now. My dad had many medical problems so they said he died of natural causes. He was a Vietnam veteran and my baby step sister who is 21 now was pregnant with her first daughter and just found out 2 months before my father passed away. She took it the hardest because she was always in arguments with my father and was pretty much wasting her life away doing things she shouldn't have done at all instead of continuing college. So my niece didn't get to see her grandfather but she will know about him.
Sorry I had to post this, its been on my mind all day and I couldn't even go back to sleep because of it. The closer the date gets, the worse it gets for my mind to start wondering. I plan on visiting my father's grave on May 22nd and then I'm going to relax and have a girl's night out with some friends I just got back in touch with from junior high.
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I am so sorry and you have my condolances. I can sympatize with you because one year ago 5/11/09 my father passed unexpectedly during heart bypass surgery. I never got to the hospital that day and I also never got to say good bye. As you said, the closer the day got this year the more it was on your mind. If you ever need to talk, I am a great listener or rather reader. I am glad you wrote about it though, sometimes telling people about it helps. I admire your guts that it took to write it out. As, I said I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteMissie
Missie,
ReplyDeleteThanks,It is easier for me to write it out instead of talking about it.I have talked to my husband about it off and on but I rather write. I'm sorry to hear about your father passing away 2, it hurts to lose someone close especially when you don't get to say goodby to them. My kids still think about him and my youngest usually asks me a lot of questions but I think they know he is in heaven watching over us. I'm sorry about your loss.
They say time is a great healer and I truely believe that. And while I have gotten better, I still really miss my dad. He was and still is my hero and I never thought he would die, you see he was superman and superman never dies. It will be 15 years this fall and since then I have lost my mother and my oldest brother. But what I really want to tell you is that he knows how you feel and he loves you too.
ReplyDeleteNancy
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are working through your grief -- I hope so.